Airplaneing

Having recently taken a few pretty rough flights I was beginning to compile a list of things that I really really wished that everyone was forced to learn before they board the plane. But then I realized that the wikihow website already did that: How to practice airplane etiquette.

But just to highlight a few things that are important to me:

1. Passengers should never touch the back of someone's seat. Whether you are walking down the aisle of the plane and need to support yourself, or whether you are trying to get out of your seat and need to pull your center of gravity forward, you should never pull or push the seat back. Those things are not sturdy and you absolutely will annoy the person sitting in that seat. I know when I was an inexperienced flier I was guilty of doing this. But that all stopped the day that I had the displeasure of sitting in front of another inexperienced flier who did it to me 50 times in a 2 hour flight. I would hope most people quickly learn how annoying it is to be sitting comfortably or even napping quietly only to be suddenly jolted out of your meditative state by the pull-and-slingshot that results from someone supporting their whole weight onto your seat-back.
2. When you are in a rush to get off the plane, and you leap out of your seat to get your carry-on after the taxing stops, you should really heed the warning "contents may have shifted during the flight." Don't fling the overhead compartment open. I know that it's usually ok and nothing happens, but I've been hit in the head twice by items set free by an overzealous rusher. Furthermore, when people are still seated and your bag has a loose strap, you are very likely to hit the seated passenger with it if you don't grab that loose strap before pulling out your luggage.
3. If your carry-on is too big for you to lift over your head either don't bring it on the plane or ask someone to help you stow it and collect it. I'll gladly help you if it means that I won't take a dirty wheel to the face.
   
4. No one should ever be crossing their legs in economy class, especially if you are over 6 feet tall. This is because (A) you'll likely drive your knee into, or kick, the seat in front of you or (B) you'll be constantly touching your neighbor's legs with (the sole of) your shoe. On yesterday's flight someone from the row behind me, across the isle was actually kicking my elbow for a good 5 minutes until a flight attendant told him that he couldn't block the aisle with his enormous legs.
5. If you want to leave the armrest between you and a stranger in the up position and your stranger neighbor doesn't mind, then go for it. However, in the absence of that physical barrier, you should still make sure that you are not invading said neighbor's personal space. I want to nap and it's really hard to do that when your purse is literally in my lap and you are constantly ruffling through it to find a tissue.
6. If you want to watch the movie and your sound jack isn't working, please ask your neighbor before you commandeer his, even if he's not using it and especially if you can't seem to find it and are searching around for it for a while.
7. Flush the toilet.
8. Don't reach over me to open the window, ESPECIALLY when it's daytime and I have my eyes closed. If you really want to look out the window you can nudge me awake and ask me. I won't be an asshole about it.
   
9. 99.99% of the time t's just turbulence, planes can often quickly lose altitude. But if we were really crashing, screaming is not going to help. Just like getting in your car, when you step on a plane you should really have your affairs in order. If you are older than 15, please don't scream when the plane shakes.
   
10. Using your laptop on an economy class seat tray is not easy, it can require dexterity and flexibility very much unlike when you are using it at a desk. Just because you need to finish that report today doesn't mean that you can put your elbow into your neighbor's kidney. And if you are a hunt and peck typer, you're actually constantly jabbing him with your elbow everyimte you reach for that shift key. You should be aware of that or stop capitalizing letters.